2008-03-15 15:52:41
Life Calculus
Yesterday my coworkers redecorated my office. Pictures
in this blog entry are photos of their work. Strangely enough, I found myself
quite appreciative of their act of vandalism. :-)
Today is my 40th birthday. Like most other days, I started by walking the dog and making a To-Do list. However, today's list has a special item:
- Decide whether to have a mid-life crisis or not.
:-)
I'll confess I am not entirely thrilled about being 40. It doesn't seem that long ago that 40 seemed far away. Now that it's here, I realize that it's not what I expected. I thought my life at 40 would be different.
Many who know me would assert that I have nothing to
complain about. And they would be correct. My life has been filled with
blessings of all kinds, for which I am truly thankful. I am a published
author. Most would consider me financially successful. I am in a career where
I enjoy my work.
But still...
As the old saying goes, nobody lies on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at the office.
Like most everybody else, when I was 30 I looked ahead ten years and formed a picture in my mind. My life today doesn't match that picture very well. Examples:
- I thought by now I would be more solid in the quality of
my relationships with my loved ones and in the practice of my faith.
- I thought by now I would be a better guitar player.
- There's a messy pile in my study that has been there for
ten years. (Yes, we moved six years ago. The heap moved too.) I thought
it would be cleaned up by now.
- I always assumed that by 40 I would have learned to exercise regularly and stop eating junk food.
I go could on. And on. But you get the idea.
I am tempted to think about my regrets, the places where I took a wrong turn, the places where I would have made a smarter choice if I knew then what I know now.
But this whole line of thinking doesn't seem at all conducive to good mental health, so today I will choose to focus on two things which seem more constructive:
1. Tapestry
One of my favorite Star Trek episodes is called Tapestry. It is the story of someone given a chance to re-live a pivotal moment in his youth so that he can avoid making the unwise choice he made the first time. But it turns out that his reckless moment was a critical ingredient in his later successes.
Today I remind myself that there are no do-overs, and I'm not sure I would want one anyway. For every mistake I have made, there were negative consequences and positive lessons. I can't expect to avoid the former and keep the latter. They come together as an inseparable package.
2. Life Calculus.
Back in 2003 I wrote an article called Career Calculus. In a nutshell, it says that at any given moment in your career, what you know is far less important than whether you are learning.
Today I remind myself that the same principle applies in life. I am confident in my first derivative. Whatever I am today, I think I will be a better person tomorrow.
So if I'm still blogging when I'm 50, I expect I will be able to report progress on some of the items mentioned above.
And just to be clear, if that heap of junk on the floor of my study is still there, it will be larger than it is now, and I plan to report that as progress. :-)
